Hoco dancer becomes water-slinging slasher

By Genevieve Ott

     Assistant Principal Mrs. Barbara Dorsey took the LED stage, her conservative black suit stark against the flashing rainbow platform. “Please,” she bellowed as the DJ stopped the track, “Do not throw water. The dance will be on hold until everyone behaves themselves.”

     Sweaty boys with flushed faces and loosened ties booed, demanding the lights to be turned back off. A few radicals plopped down on the filthy mats, protesting the stopped music, the halted dance. Girls with soaked, deflated curls folded their arms and looked around the room, vindicated. All eyes searched for the Water Slinger.

     Homecoming behavior is notoriously rowdy, but Mrs. Dorsey was not referring to the inappropriate dancing. An anonymous hooligan, who calls himself the Water Slinger, took a water bottle, punctured the cap, and squirted water at the throngs of dancing teens. Some students laughed, relieved to be cooled down. Others (mostly girls) shrieked and screeched, wiping cakey, pasty foundation and dripping mascara from their cheeks.

     The Water Slinger thought showering the dance floor would garner the reaction of laughs, since it was all meant as fun. “It was getting hot,” the Water Slinger said in defense, though a sly smirk threatened his cover.

     When Mrs. Dorsey dismantled the dance and threatened disciplinary action, any amateur Slinger would have cracked. But in cool, calm, fluid fashion, the Water Slinger remained unfazed. “I thought it was funny,” the Water Slinger said, chuckling as he recalled Mrs. Dorsey’s speech. “It was only half a water bottle anyway.”

     The Water Slinger refused to turn himself in and the dance soon proceeded, leaving him on the loose, a vigilante with a Poland Springs bottle. “No one knows it’s me,” the Water Slinger said, “but I am the anonymous Water Slinger.”

     Dances in clichéd high school movies are often titled “A Night to Remember,” but it’s rarely the DJ, the friends, or the dancing that makes it. For the 2012 homecoming dance, the Water Slinger can proudly say he made the night exciting—or at least one worth talking about—with his sudden showering strike.

     Even though this incident was the Water Slinger’s first attack, he’s still an active threat; Prom, another sweaty dance, is also a venue for shenanigans. The Water Slinger said, “I might strike again.” Remember, Hereford, with this anonymous, furious assault, any teen with H20 access could be the Water Slinger.